One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
