Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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