on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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