I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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