I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize