I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
