Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
