i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
