Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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