help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
