You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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