I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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