see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
