You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
