let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
