I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize