Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
