i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
