i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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