i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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