i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
