i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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