I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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