She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
