so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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