im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
