Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
