never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
