New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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