I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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