This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize