Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.

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(801): View more from Utah

Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous

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(808): View more from Hawaii

guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina

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(817): View more from Texas

At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.

(402): View more from Nebraska

Update, its a couple

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.

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(206): View more from Washington

you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...

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(734): View more from Michigan

It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise

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