Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
