We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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