It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
