Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
