I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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