so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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