mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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