Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

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(360): View more from Washington

Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery

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(862): View more from New Jersey

I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.

(917): View more from New York City

So many issues. You honestly need help.

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(989): View more from Michigan

He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.

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(206): View more from Washington

So. She dumped me today.

(425): View more from Washington

Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".

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(254): View more from Texas

Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".

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