Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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