just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
