all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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