I need to stop coming to work sober
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
