mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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