omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
