You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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