shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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