I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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