Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
