I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
