Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Your cock deserves a montage
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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