Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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