you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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