Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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