I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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