Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
