the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
