does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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