just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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