I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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