a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
