if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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