Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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