My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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