he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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