Please, let me fuck your mom
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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