IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
