i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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