omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
