I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
