There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
