I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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