Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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