Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
