I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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