just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
